Hunter Biden Launches $LAPTOP Meme Coin on Coinbase’s Base Network

Picture the most infamous laptop in American politics clawing out of a Delaware repair-shop box, dusting itself off, and strutting onto the blockchain like it just remembered the password to the national id. Hunter Biden is launching $LAPTOP on Coinbase’s Base network this Wednesday, a one-billion-token meme coin that turns six years of partisan static into pure speculative slapstick.

Founders, Biden included, claim nearly a third of the supply, locked for six months then trickling out over two years like a slow-motion confetti cannon aimed at their own pockets. Another slice rains free on the wallets that bought Trump’s $TRUMP near its January 2025 peak of seventy-three bucks and are now staring at a ninety-seven-percent freefall, losses somewhere between three and four-and-a-half billion for almost a million retail players. Substack subscribers and a mailing list run by a video-journalist pal also get their free tickets to the show. The rest props up charity, liquidity, and the foundation that keeps the lawyers from boiling over.

The burn clause is pure visual comedy. Up to thirty percent of the tokens can vanish into thin air if a grab-bag of outcomes lands: Democrats take the White House in 2028, bitcoin punches a new all-time high, or $LAPTOP somehow outruns Trump’s fully diluted valuation. Miss the marks and those same tokens get donated to charity instead. Scarcity by checklist. Price support by political scoreboard. It’s the blockchain equivalent of a magician sawing a stack of Monopoly money in half and swearing the pieces will be worth more.

Within an hour of the Wall Street Journal story hitting, at least fourteen copycat tokens sprouted across other chains and spun through six-point-nine million in volume, a swarm of digital lookalikes popping up faster than street vendors inventing new slogans outside a stadium. Biden himself posted the ticker and the date, sealing the bit with the casual swagger of a man who just found a new use for old baggage.

Both camps get the same treatment here. One floats a coin named after the computer that once dominated headlines and intelligence-letter debates. The other floated a coin that steered early allocations and trading revenue toward affiliated entities while retail bags filled with red. Neither produces anything of lasting value. Both produce pure narrative and the same collective bet that this particular joke will somehow pay better than the last one.

Biden has lately called decentralized money the inevitable future. The market answered in its usual fashion: instant fakes, instant volume, and the same old hope that the punchline outlasts the setup. The laptop is online again. The only question left is how long before the battery icon starts blinking red and the whole act collapses into another pile of digital dust.